Destiny, reconciliation and happiness

I share with you this beautiful interview with Berth Hellinger.

It is beautiful to see in the practice of "Family Constellations " how each one of us is understanding what happens, what is hidden, what is hidden. When we participate in a constellation simply the magic happens, and it is when we can experience, feel and incorporate the father, the mother, the ancestors.

We human beings spend our lives claiming what is "missing or lacking" without realizing that this pattern of lack comes from the "Body of pain", from the family history, from the ties.

Now, the process of constellation and integration begins when we allow ourselves to connect to our essence of Love and begin to release these old patterns AND lack. To take LIFE is to take it all exactly as it was and is, without adding or subtracting anything, including the sweet and the cruel, the joyful and the sad, the light and the heavy. ACCEPT WITH LOVE ALL. For the simple reason that this is our heritage and the set of lived experiences that constitute us.

To take our parents is to take them with ALL, as they are, because they live in us, they are the origin of each one of our cells and if we reject the LIFE that came to us from them, we will surely live our lives with lack, anger, fear.

The deep learning #

Recognize that I always have with me everything I need (my parents are the ones I needed to have), and value it with love to develop the ability to open my heart to take the new and grow in my relationship with myself and with others.

When I RENOUNCE to complain about what I have, about life, parents, destiny, this leads me to impoverish, diminish, limit, block and weaken my reality, my potential and ultimately my life,

Acknowledging our parents, Taking them, honoring them, thanking them allows us to take LIFE with strength to grow and advance, to do something valuable with it.

I hope you enjoy it as much as I do,

"A long way: dialogues on destiny, reconciliation and happiness", where Gabriele Ten Hövel interviews Bert Hellinger (Ed. Alma Lepik, Argentina).

Interviewer's question: When you talk about taking the father and the mother to be happy, what do you mean by that? Who exactly should I take? The mother who abandoned me, the father who beats the mother? I am imagining a totally neglected alcoholic, who never took care of her daughter. Who should I take? The ideal mother, as she could be? That side of the mother that I experienced as beautiful and nurturing?

Bert Hellinger's answer: I take the mother and the father as persons - this is an important differentiation; I do not take what they give me or deny me. This is of no interest here. It is the person that I am taking. By taking the person, I will have his fullness in me.

**Question: Isn't this a colossal idealization of the maternal and the paternal?

Answer: I affirm that in 80% of the people who attend constellations the link with the parents is disturbed and that the therapy itself unites the children with their parents.

Question: What happens if this union is not achieved?

Answer: That the person is lost and will not be able to sustain any lasting relationship.

Question: Most people regret everything they have missed out on as children and have not been able to obtain, and even become bitter. What are the consequences of this?

Answer: Everything I regret, I am excluding. Everything I accuse, I am excluding. Every person who arouses my anger, I am excluding. Every situation in which I feel guilty, I am excluding. And I am becoming poorer and poorer.

The reverse way would be: Everything that I regret, I look at it and I say: Yes, that's how it was and I incorporate it in me with all the challenge it represents for me. I say: I will do something with you. Now I take you as a source of strength, whatever it is.

I look at everything for which I have accused someone and I say: Yes. I look around me, to see how I get in another way that which I missed and I look at the strength I have to achieve it myself, without my asking someone else. Then I incorporate the situation into myself and it is transformed into strength. The same is valid for personal faults, which we all want to deny and throw away. I look at them and say: Yes, guilt has consequences and I consent to those consequences, transforming them into something. The faults are transformed into strength and, in this way, I also grow.

In other words, the basic movement is always the same: instead of excluding, incorporate. There is a surprising observation in this regard. When I incorporate what I had rejected or what is painful, what generates guilt or what I feel unjustly treated for, whatever it is.... not everything fits in me when I incorporate it. There is something that remains outside. When I fully consent, what is internalized in me is only the force. The rest simply remains outside and does not infect me. On the contrary, it disinfects me, it purifies me. The dross remains outside and the fathoms penetrate the heart.

**Question: What hinders the action of taking?

Answer: That I do not support what weighs on the parents and I want to help them since I was a child and I interfere, elevating myself above them and putting myself in the place of the grandfather or grandmother pretending to take care of them and solve their problems. Here the same exercise would be pertinent, looking at my parents with everything that happens to them, with their entanglement, their losses, their addiction, their illness. I notice what all this means in terms of strength for my parents, when they accept everything as it is, just as I did it before with myself, when I incorporated it into myself, I see: What would happen if I did it in their place? In this way I can imagine my parents acquiescing to what weighs on them; it belongs to them as much as their entanglements. I see their entanglements from a distance and from below, as a child, from my position as a child. Then my parents remain fully my parents. I don't need to take charge of anything that belongs exclusively to them. That remains outside of me because it belongs to my parents.

**Question: Does that make you happy?

Answer: Happiness is given to us. Happiness always comes from a relationship and the question is: In what way do we relate to be happy? We are happy if we are happy in a relationship. No subsequent relationship will work if the previous one did not work. Every relationship starts with the mother. Most problems occur if there is something that did not work out fully. Joy begins with the mother. The greatest happiness for a child is to be with the mother; it is the primary happiness. Naturally later on he will have to be with other people. But it does not matter. You can take the primary happiness with you. Later there will be more distance, but the substantial thing was to look the mother in the eyes and say, "Yes, I am happy that you are my mother."

**Question: What about the father?

Answer: The father is added, of course. But happiness starts with the mother. Father and mother are not here on the same plane. The mother comes first and then the father.

Many problems with children also occur because they cannot access the father. Only the mother can open the way to the father, so she has tremendous power. But no one else can open the way to the father.

**Question: I don't understand, what do you mean by that?

Answer: That in the child the mother loves the father, just as she did originally. Her sentence would then be: "I am glad you are like him". The child then knows: she is glad when I go to my father. This opens the way for the child and he gains a special strength. And above all, he will love his mother much more than before.

Question: That is to say that the turning point and the pivot is the relationship with the mother and exceeding it - even if the parents are separated - her kind relationship with the man. There are many women who after the divorce say to their children, or at least they think so, rather disparagingly: "By God, you are like your father". This means that we women are the ones who can make the most mistakes.

Answer: I would like to put it another way: women have the greatest opportunities.

Question: Why do you honor mothers so much; is it part of your Catholic background?

Answer: I honor mothers from a philosophical judgment. I look at what it means to be a mother. All mothers have done the decisive thing in a perfect way. There is no woman who has been a mother and did not do it perfectly. Otherwise she would not have been a mother. That is to say, in the decisive thing all of them are perfect. What comes after plays a subordinate role. It is so clear, but it is necessary here to have breadth of thought, to focus the view on the essential. The greatest thing that exists is of course life. In therapeutic practice this is often forgotten. Perhaps the child received a slap from the mother and this is remembered and elaborated, but the fact that the child received life in its fullness from the mother is left out. No mother could take anything away from life and no mother could add anything to it. None was better or worse. As mothers, all mothers have been perfect. It is a beautiful thought. He who can rejoice in his mother, wins.

**Question: Is this your recipe for happiness?

Answer: If you want it to be. It is the way in which the fullness of life and happiness is presented to us. It is the basis of all subsequent happiness. It is also the basis of love for nature. So to speak, nature is the great mother.

The little child allows everything to penetrate into his soul. There is no resistance there. It is only later that resistance arises.

Now, with regard to happiness I made an important observation in myself. When I incorporate my mother or my father completely in me, without any objection - "You are my mother, so I take you", "You are my father, so I take you" - then all the fullness of the parents is installed in my soul. I do not incorporate something of my parents in me, but I incorporate my parents in me, with all that comes with them. And what I thought was not good, is left out - it is very surprising. With the person comes in only what is good about him - nothing else.

**Question: You make high demands on people.

Answer: This is love. True love.

Maybe it is time for you to make your own healing journey, to be able to work and solve what is still pending in your family and personal history in order to be what you really want to be.

I hope this information has been useful to you, and if you want to work on healing with your ancestors, don't hesitate to get in contact Thank you for reading and sharing.

YouTube