Terapia de Duelo Madrid Alejandra León](/img/terapia-de-duelo-madrid-alejandra-lec3b3n.webp)
Saying goodbye to the dead is something almost innate to our civilization but it is also one of many things that the coronavirus has altered, since the confinement to stop the contagion prevents not only the accompaniment of the sick but also the whole process of accompanying the funeral, the family and the various rituals of farewell that we have in our culture.
This post is dedicated to all those people who these days are facing the loss of loved ones because of the epidemic of COVID-19 and have not been able to say goodbye or embrace their relatives.
Since this is an extremely difficult situation the proposal is to reduce the psycho-emotional impact that loss in these circumstances generates in the mourners.
"The pain of grief must be lived through"
The pain of grief must be lived, it involves much more than the expression of grief over your loss. It involves mourning THE PART OF ME (the one that remains) that has gone with this person and that I will have to work through. This is why we say that grief is a bio-psycho-emotional response, which affects the whole person in a unique and intimate way.
As you may have heard in my videos EVERY GRIEF IS UNIQUE There are no equal griefs, no equal times, no equal relationships. In the current circumstances of confinement in which we are limited to farewell rituals, hugs, spaces to share the pain and accompaniment to the body of our loved one, the need will arise to take out the pain, to let the feeling bloom.
But how to begin to elaborate the mourning in time of Coronavirus?
Emotions must be expressed, shared, given voice in our heart and with shared words that are listened to without haste, without judgment, without phrases and without interruptions. Only in this way you will be able to integrate the experience, give meaning to what you do or have stopped doing, and find meaning in what you are now living to be able to continue in the day to day.
Below, I would like to suggest some ideas to try to alleviate the loss of a loved one during this crisis.
- When the patient's prognosis is grim, it is time to begin to work out anticipatory grief:
_Anticipatory grief refers to the reaction that follows the news of the impending loss of a family member due to a terminal illness. This does not mean that you should not go through the grieving process after the death or that you should shorten the time it takes to process it, but rather that it is a period of acceptance that allows you to close the relationship with the loved one and begin to say goodbye. It is a propitious moment to give and receive forgiveness, reaching a reconciliation in the relationship.
Grieving HURTS.
If you are going through this situation, you probably have a load of emotions associated with this experience, that if they are not subsequently worked on "can generate not only emotional discomfort but also a deterioration of your physical condition. A good elaboration of the grief will be necessary before or after.
- It is an important moment to generate support among the family. At this time, the family nucleus will not be able to get together and be at the mortuary / funeral home, but they can talk on the phone, virtual spaces become an ally at this time to begin to share the feeling, the experience. The pain is there, we cannot deny it and therefore, it needs to come out, so that it does not become embedded in the body and eat away at the soul.
For the moment there are other individual, small committee or virtual acts that can be done.
I ask you not to try to "protect others from what happens to us", keeping the pain in a corner, silenced, frozen (because sooner or later it will come out). Sharing our pain implies sharing my feelings, my thoughts with the other person.
In the same way, the fact that someone makes us participate in their pain does not mean that we have to solve it or alleviate it, sometimes we just seem to have to give solutions or advice and we feel lost when there seems to be none. Similarly, being able to express to another how we feel can bring the surprise of feeling understood, heard and relieved.
This link will introduce you to the Rights of the Bereaved
- Accepting a certain degree** of avoidance or emotional distancing (I'm not crying, I'm in shock, I'm in so much pain I can't even move) is normal. This is a survival response and it is to be expected that little by little it will be overcome. This should not make us feel guilty either and it takes time, we should not get overwhelmed. 12 Principles on Bereavement After the Death of a Loved One
To move forward in grief you need time. You have to accept sadness as a companion, but at the same time you have to continue in life, and this is perhaps one of the tasks of bereavement that can be most difficult.
TIME TO EXPRESS GRIEF.
**How to do it?
Giving space for tears, along with your emotions. And those tears can be from sadness, fear and/or anger, helplessness, all of the above; but you have to **give them their space.
Sharing the pain.** Even though we may feel isolated, we are not alone. It is time to make good use of cell phones, social networks and virtual contacts to express THE pain. Virtual hugs also do their job in accompanying the grieving process.
Write down every day your emotions, feelings: anger, sadness, love and hope.
What it has meant that you are not there, that you have not been there. And little by little letting go.
Self-care is necessary to protect ourselves from bad food, bad habits and bad rest to maintain our physical and psychological stability.
Be compassionate with you.
Grief asks to be expressed, mourned, shared and lived in company ".
- Goodbye can be done "through concrete actions, such as writing a letter that someone can read to your loved one, recording an audio, making a video, using visualization to connect the souls of both of you and from the heart begin to say goodbye. This can generate a minimal feeling of peace, closing any unfinished business.
- And if the person is already gone, how to live the Grief after the loss of a loved one?
**When the crisis is over, you can elaborate special events or ceremonies to say goodbye to the deceased, surrounded by all the love of your loved ones. Here is a link that will surely help you in the moment
These are just a few keys, I am sure that in family you can find rituals, ways to honor those who are gone, the pain of absence.
If you are dealing with the loss of a loved one, we invite you to explore our course "Grieving: How to overcome the loss of a loved one ". You will learn practical and enriching tools from a holistic perspective to cope with and heal grief, find emotional balance and transform loss into wisdom.
We also invite you to be part of our course "Accompaniment in Grief and Loss Processes from a holistic perspective". If you wish to provide support to those going through grief and loss, this course will provide you with the necessary tools and knowledge to offer a compassionate and enriching accompaniment from a holistic vision.
[Holistic School - Bereavement](https://alejandraleon.com/2018/11/08/el-duelo-el-dolor-tras-la-perdida-de-un-ser-querido/
With love,
Alejandra León,
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