**LETTING GO OF A RELATIONSHIP
Very often, people who come to therapy, counseling or coaching after having ended a relationship, generally arrive with two elements that are in my opinion very important at the moment of starting the accompaniment.
1. A great difficulty to leave this relationship in the past ****. **...and this is even worse when it is the other one who decided to break.
2. A lot of fear of establishing a new relationship and a kind of "hopelessness" that the heart will break again, things will not work out or it will not work out well.
Sometimes years can go by and the person who one day found themselves out of the relationship, without their consent, is literally "trapped" emotionally in this unfinished and painful situation, spinning around emotionally, without getting out of this quagmire; from which it is tremendously difficult to escape and sometimes neither time nor distance are able to heal the wound.
On a psychological and emotional level, it seems that time does not pass and that the distance does not cease to exist. Thus, we see people who have been out of a relationship for years, but their reactions and emotional dialogues indicate that they are still anchored in a past that does not allow them to move forward.
**What factors influence the person to remain trapped in the relationship?
There are many different factors, but some of the most important ones I have observed are:
* Absolute idealization of the Other to the degree of losing oneself. * Insecurity of getting ahead individually * Diverse beliefs such as:
* He or she is the only person for me.
- My life only worked with him/her.
- I am already old, who is going to look at me.
- My time has passed, my rice has passed, the train has left me...
- Who's going to love me like he/she loves me?
If these questions or affirmations are going around in your head. **Pay attention to your emotions, to your internal dialogue and especially if you have been repeating the same thing for a long time, it is time to seek help.
It is true that when you have time to assimilate the event, to prevent it and to get used to the idea, the blow is not so hard and it is much easier to overcome it. However, when this breakup appears without warning, without preparation, the results seem devastating and have a strong impact on self-esteem.
Working through the grief
It is important that in the process you allow yourself to grieve, heal and close the cycle. Overcome a number of factors that prevent you from moving towards recovery.
It is very important to pay attention to behavioral changes, changes oriented to self-destruction, consciously or unconsciously, sadness with feelings of depression, isolation, etc.
Therefore, working with self-confidence, independence, self-esteem, personal safety and beliefs become the source to heal, relieve and regain confidence, start moving and let time take shape again.
I invite you to comment your ideas.